Cancer Musings

Over the past month or so, I've had so many thoughts on cancer, people, how the two go together, and other things about life. I have also made a goal or two. Some of it random and funny, and some more thoughtful and "pondery." Lol. So I decided to share some of them. I hope that's OK. I do not mean any offense to anyone, or to make too light of a serious subject. Like I said. They're just random thoughts and musings I've had over the past little while.

1. "Ugh. Stupid cancer." This is the most common. :)

2. Person: How are you feeling today?
    Me: I'm doing great! How are you?
    Person: Well, I'm doing fine, but I want to know about you. I'm not the one with cancer!
    Me: Wait. Who has cancer?!?!
    Me: ..... oh, yeah ....

3. Cancer itself is not what hurts. It's everything that comes with cancer that hurts. The tests, needles, surgeries, the loss of loved ones, etc. That's what hurts. And as weird as it sounds, this thought brings me comfort. I can live through tests. I can live through surgeries and needles, and I've survived the loss of loved ones to cancer. Therefore, I can survive the hurt that cancer brings. Meaning, I can survive cancer.

4. I am a member of the X-Men. Hear me out. Cancer is a bunch of mutated cells. Well, I have cancer. Which means I have mutated cells. That makes me a mutant, and therefore part of the X-Men. Done.

5. Would I still have gotten cancer if I were still in Utah? I don't mean this in an "I regret moving" kind of way, and I don't mean it as "Texas gave me cancer" either. If God had told me that I would move to Texas, love my job and the people I work with and meet, find a loving, compassionate, hilarious husband, but be diagnosed with cancer, I would still make the same decision. Every single time. I just wonder if my life's plan instead of come to Texas was to stay in Utah, would this have still occurred.

6. All of the sudden I want to watch every movie I can think of that has a character who has been diagnosed with cancer. I wonder if it will be a different experience. I know that sounds lame, but for real. I've always watched those movies from one lens; that of a person on the outside. But now I have a new lens prescription. I wonder if it'll be different.

7. When you're diagnosed with cancer, the ones closest to you are diagnosed as well. They may not physically and medically have it, but they are a part of your diagnosis. It affects a lot of people. I thought I would just do my thing while everyone else did theirs, and life would move forward, and I would fight this without it affecting anyone a whole lot. I was GREATLY humbled when I realized the opposite. Cancer is not something you take on alone. It doesn't affect you alone. It affects so much more.

8. God knows what He's doing. He knew this day would come, and He knew exactly what and who I would need to help me. He led me to it, and He will guide me through it.

9. I'm going to swim the English Channel. Seriously! I know many of you are laughing right now. But for real! After I kick cancer to the curb, continue getting my health and lifestyle choices on track, and LOTS of training (we're talking years, here. YEARS.), I'm going to do it. Doubters gonna doubt. Haters gonna hate.

10. I want a doughnut. (Remembers cancer is attracted to sugar...) Darn you, cancer! Ugh. I hate you.