Aftermath

The definition of the word "aftermath" is the consequences of a significant, unpleasant event. Two years ago this month I was declared cancer free. This has given me plenty of time to review the aftermath.

For the record, I will answer any cancery question you ask me. I will talk about every little detail if you want to know (and sometimes if you don't). But I have the hardest time talking about the aftermath. The life after cancer; a quite significant and unpleasant event. So I'm just going to dive on in.

Before cancer I knew exactly who I was. I was a fun, energetic teacher. Newlywed. Dependable. Reliable. Funny. Event planner. Photographer. Piano player. Crafter. Sewer, etc.

And then cancer.

I struggled teaching because I no longer had the energy to be the teacher I once was. I constantly felt like I was failing my students, coworkers, and myself.

I felt like I was failing John. I had zero energy to cook, clean, and tried so hard to be "present" in our marriage. He stood by me without hesitation and loved and supported me fiercely through the process. But I felt like I couldn't give back what was being given. And again, I felt guilty.

I couldn't be there for my friends as much as I used to or would have liked to be. I felt like I was failing them because again, they were giving so much to me, but what was I giving them?

I couldn't play the piano like I used to. Because of the mediport sewn into the right side of my chest, my arm would randomly go numb or limp in the middle of playing. Something that would bring me such joy now brought sadness and frustration.

I could go on, but you get the point.

So I adjusted to a new normal; a new identity. Instead of Mrs. Bragg, the teacher or Liz, wife and friend, or at church, Sister Bragg, the youth leader, I became the following: that bald teacher with cancer; Liz, our cancer friend (now in all fairness, I joked about that one and that's how I got the title); Sister Bragg, that woman at church with cancer.

How did I cope? I laughed. I made jokes. Laughing about cancer seemed so much easier than dealing with the emotions of it. But I jumped all in and figured I better make the best of it. So I accepted my new roles, my new titles, my new identity.

Then I was declared cancer free. I was so excited, relieved, and scared. My very next thought after "YES!!!!" was "Now what?" Our lives revolved so much around my doctor appointments, tests, scans, etc.; it was all we knew. It had become our normal. What would 'normal' look like now?

When people find out I am a cancer survivor, they always assume I had breast or ovarian cancer. This doesn't bother me at all. They are two very common cancers for women, and kind of like the flagship cancers for women. What does bother me is when they find out I didn't have either of those; I had Hodgkin's Lymphoma. And then they say, "Oh. Well...that's not really cancer, cancer. I mean, your life wasn't in danger." Or "Oh, so you were just like, really sick, right? That's one of those 'light' cancers? Like, not really cancer?" Or my favorite, "Well, thank goodness you had an easy cancer! It couldn't have been that bad."

This created a huge crack in my emotional mentality about cancer. I was rejected by some people in the cancer community because to them, I didn't have "a real cancer." After I was declared cancer free I was told by people at work/church/the grocery store that because I didn't have an "aggressive" or again, a "real" cancer that I would have no problem jumping right back into life as it was before and I needed to "get over it and get on with my life." All these people assumed that because my cancer was what it was, that I was fine. That I should be fine. That I was back to that horrible word of 'normal.'

My doctors kept talking about a new, new normal. How life would be different, never the same as before, but I'd be fine. But in the past two years I have been having a hard time finding my new, new normal, my new identity.

My initial reaction was Destiny's Child, "I'm a survivor!" Heck yeah, I battled cancer and LIVED! But there was that crack in my mentality. I was being rejected or scoffed at for not being cancery enough. So my survival didn't seem like such a big deal to me anymore. My attitude turned to, "Yay, we're done with that. Guess I should move on."

In the past couple of years as my body has adjusted to life after cancer, it has done some weird things. There have been more tests and scans because different things come up and given my history, my doctors take it seriously and act fast. Just this past February I was scanned and tested because my doctors had a legitimate concern that cancer had made a comeback. Thank goodness it was a no, but my first reaction of the possibility of it being cancer again was PEACE. I was legitimately at peace with the thought of having cancer again because I knew who I was when I had cancer. I knew that identity. I knew my role. The thought of "been there, done that," was comforting to me because maybe people wouldn't reject or judge me for having an easy cancer if it came back. I could be the cancer girl, again. I could go back to something I knew and accepted and lived through. But I was so unsure of the now.

I know that now I'm tired. I get weirdly sick. Again, my body does weird things and just like me, it's just trying to find its new place in the world. I have a hard time remembering things; more so than before. I don't remember half of the dates John and I went on before we were married. Sometimes I ask him to tell me a dating story, and he tells me about one of the dates we went on that I can't remember any more. He even has to remind me of some details about our wedding day. I'm recognizing that people get uncomfortable or tired of me talking about cancer. So I'm learning to not talk about it unless asked about it. And to those people who are tired of hearing about it, I apologize. To quote the beginning of my post, it was a significant and unpleasant event that has changed me. I'm having a hard time letting go of my past identity. Forgive me. I also know that I am different. A little harsher, but at the same time a little softer. I cry a lot at little things. I'm showing up more for my marriage and partnership with John. I'm showing up more for my students, and I'm trying to show up more for myself. I'm also learning some people don't like that, and are having a hard time accepting my new focus. That has rattled me as well. I have always prided myself on being a true Hufflepuff: a fierce and loyal friend. In this new effort to find myself, I am finding that I am losing people and that is heartbreaking to me.

So in this two year aftermath, I have come to the conclusion that I am under construction. Parts of me are finished, some parts of me need to be refined or done over, and other parts are still being demolished, planned, and rebuilt. For now, I just need to accept it and love myself for where I am. I need to recognize that I fought a battle and WON. Cancer, is cancer, is cancer. With the help of God and those around me, I gave my all and survived. I need to accept my survivorship (new word) and find my way through the aftermath.

Did you know there is a second definition for aftermath? In farming terms it means "new grass growing after mowing or harvest." Interesting. :)

"To Whom It May Concern"

Within the same "You have cancer" breath, I also found out there would be a strong chance I would not be able to have children after chemotherapy. I had been married less than a year, and not only did I have to go home and tell my husband that every doctors' suspicions were true, but I also had to tell him that curing the truth could very likely take away our chance to have a family naturally.

The reality of the situation didn't really hit until a couple of months ago. John and I were walking through Target doing some shopping when we passed the section that has all of the UTSA, UT, and Texas A&M shirts and caps. Among them: baby onesies (sp?). I stopped, grabbed one of the UTSA onesies, commented on how cute it was, and put it back. That's when it hit. I started having flashes of our future family, of babies that were not yet to be, and who knows when they would be. I lost it. I started sobbing right there in the store. We ducked into an empty aisle, which is hard to find at Target, and John just held me and let me cry it out. We ended our shopping trip fairly quickly and went home.

Until that point I hadn't allowed myself to think about having kids since the diagnosis. Even though we were able to successfully complete fertility treatments and an egg extraction before starting chemo, I knew if I thought about it too much it would ruin me. I knew I would only be able to focus on what cancer was taking away from me, not what it was giving me and teaching me. I knew I would fall into a hole so deep, it would be hard to climb out. So I didn't think about it.

Now that the initial breakdown is over, every now and then I give myself permission to think about it, and it doesn't hurt as much any more. Instead of mourning a possible loss, I have hope. Whether it's children of our own, or whether it's children of our own by means of adoption, I know one day we'll be able to have a family.

The other day I was listening to Pandora and one of my favorite bands popped up with this song. If I did my research correctly, it's either a song to a future love, or a future child. Either way, my heart took it as a letter to a future child. It gave me so much comfort and so much hope. It definitely made my heart happy.

"I've missed you but I haven't met you
Oh how I want to
Dear whoever you might be
I'm still waiting patiently"

Midway Cancer Musings

Good afternoon, one and all! I figured since I did a post on Cancer Musing at the beginning, I'd do a midway and an end one as well. It's not the end yet, but it is midway! So first some news and then the musing.

News: In case you missed the Facebook post, I am down from 15 to tumors to 1, which is pretty incredible! And the one I have left shrunk from 6 cm in diameter to 2 cm. So we're getting some where, folks! This is exciting! My oncologist is a great doctor, but doesn't really show emotion, so when he told us this he was very straight faced; no excitement whatsoever. So I looked at him and said, "Hey. Be excited for me!" Then he laughed and said, "Don't worry I'm excited. But not about what I'm going to tell you next." I told him to not ruin my day, which he didn't, but he informed us I have to have radiation treatments once chemo is done. It acts as like a final sweep through to ensure every bit of the cancer is gone. So I'll be radioactive for a little while. Cue Imagine Dragons! ;)

OK. Now for the musings...

1. My thoughts while watching movies with characters that have cancer, "I wonder what they're treatment regiment is." "Do they have IV chemo or pill chemo?" "That's a cute head scarf! I should look for one like that." I thought I would be all sorts of weepy watching those movies. Apparently not!

2. Kind of going along with #1, cancer hormones are weird! One day I'll be sobbing while watching "The Prince of Egypt," and no, I'm not kidding, and the next I'll be totally straight-faced watching something super moving and emotional. You cry at really weird, little things, and laugh uncontrollably at others. It's a lot like a roller coaster. This can be really annoying, but at the same time it keeps you on your toes.

3. Being bald was cool for a couple of months. Seriously, I loved it. It was a lot of fun! And now I can say I've been bald, and according to others, I pull it off really well! But I'm ready for my hair to come back now, please. I never thought I'd miss ponytails...

4. Also pairing with #3, I am not a wig person. I admire people who are though. It's just really not my thing. So beanies and head scarves it is!

5. Person: "Hey! How are you?! You look great!"
    Me: "Really?! Oh, good! Because I feel like I've been run over by a few semi trucks, and then thrown into a river."
    Person: ".................."
    Me: ".... I'm doing great! Really! Feeling awesome!"
    Person: "Oh, good! I'm so glad!"

6. Exhausted is the new normal. Adjusting my perspective when required.

7. Will there be a day when I'm not exhausted? I sure hope so. This is getting old.

8. With radiation comes "radiation tattoos." They're these little permanent, black dots that help the radiologist know where to zap you with radiation. Since they're permanent and I have to have them, I have requested that they come in the shape of different constellations. My radiologist assured me that he'd see what he could do. I'm thinking Orion, the Big Dipper, Cassiopeia (sp?) maybe.... we'll see.

9. Chemo is intimate and personal. Let me explain. There has been only one person with me at all my chemo treatments, and that is my husband. It is the simplest of procedures; stick a needle in the mediport in your chest and let the chemo roll on in! However, I have refused to let other people come and see. It's a time during this cancer shenanigans where I am my most vulnerable. Sitting in a recliner for hours with a needle pumping poisonous, but extremely helpful liquid through you makes the whole thing REAL. For me, every time I go in for chemotherapy it's like admitting to myself all over again that I have cancer. It might sound ridiculous, but it's like being diagnosed all over again, every other Monday. I have to give in to cancer for a few small hours, and I don't want anyone seeing that. I'll tell you about it. But I don't want you to have to see it.

10. There is so much good in this world. Chivalry is not dead, loving service can be found anywhere, and people everywhere are genuinely GOOD people. A prime example are all the individuals I work with. I have never met such a caring, giving, and loving group of people in my life. So many teachers, teacher aids, staff members, etc. have given me hugs, hope, shown me love and kindness, and have done everything they could to help John and I. They bring meals, they have donated money, they have made me hats, the list goes on and on. I am so blessed to be surrounded by such amazing and wonderful people. And those type of people can be found ANYWHERE! Everywhere I go there are people who see me and my bald, beautiful self, and offer me a hug of support, a hand of friendship, and prayers of hope and peace. One of the greatest blessings of having cancer has been the opening of my eyes to the goodness of God and the world around me. There is goodness and love everywhere.

11. I married the greatest man for me. Let's be real. Everyone's husband is the greatest! And that's because he's yours and does awesome things for you and your family! And I married the greatest for me. Cancer hit him just as much as it hit me. And I would give my life and everything I own to ensure he never gets cancer for himself. We have been through the refiners fire. As much as I hate admitting it, we're still in the fire. But he never shows how much the heat bothers him. He just takes my hand, smiles, tells me we're almost there, and then leads the way.

12. I still crave doughnuts. And guess what? I eat them. :)

It's Still Light

I know that having faith is hard.

There's a children's hymn in our church that starts out, "Faith is knowing the sun will rise, lighting each new day. Faith is knowing the Lord will hear my prayers each time I pray." I love that song. I loved picturing it when I was kid. I would imagine myself praying by my bed as the sun would come up and pretend that the sun was my faith, lighting the world and, more specifically, my day. I knew that as long as I could keep that sunshine, I was going to be OK. And I hoped that my own little ball of sun could help others know that they would also be OK.

Sometimes our faith is not as big as the sun. Sometimes it's only as bright as a small flame on a candle. But you know what the awesome thing is about that small flame? It's still light. It's still light illuminating a dark place. Now, there will be days and moments where your faith will totally be as big as the sun! That's awesome! But don't be ashamed for those days and moments where your faith is a candle flame. Remember: it's still light.

I said at the beginning of my cancer journey that I knew I was going to live. That hasn't changed, but let me tell ya...there have been days where my faith in that promise has been as big as the sun, and then there have been LOTS of days where my faith in that promise has felt significantly smaller than the tiniest candle flame. But guess what? It's still light.

The hard part that comes with faith is not letting the light go out completely. Our job is to "fan the flame of our faith" (Thank you, General Conference talks!). We have to feed our faith in order for it to grow. Hence the next part of the children's hymn, "Faith is like a little seed. If planted, it will grow." We have to nurture our faith. Feed the flame! Give it some more wood and poke it around a little bit with the cool fireplace poker thingy you were never allowed to play with as a kid, and light it up! Use lighter fluid if you got to! Use all the help you can get. Rely on the testimony of others. Rely on whatever testimony you have. Whether it's yours or not. Whether it's as bright as the sun or not. Even if "ye only have the desire to believe." Remember: it's still light.

The even harder part about keeping the flame and light of faith, is keeping the flame when doubts and questions arise; especially when the answers to those doubts and questions don't make sense. Unfortunately, sometimes things won't make sense. Somethings will pass our mortal understanding. Somethings will seem unfair, unjust, and it will be hard to settle our hearts and minds with what we love and hold dear. But hold on to what you know to be true. Hold on to every good thing, and hold on to your flame of faith. The winds of doubt and uncertainty will try to destroy your flame. The clouds and rains of trial will try to hide your personal sun. Tale what light you have, and protect it. Cherish it. Feed it. Because remember, no matter how dark the skies are, or how little the flame, you still have light.

I know that having faith is hard. Do not think you are alone in the ups and downs of how bright and strong your faith is. More of us, myself significantly included, understand more than you know. Please do not let your light die because doubts and trial arise. Instead, seek ways to strengthen your flame. Search the scriptures, ponder what you know to be true and what questions you want answered, and pray earnestly and humbly (that one is hard, but the most important) to know the truth. The ultimate Giver of Light and Truth will answer you.

But you know what's absolutely fantastic if you're light does go out? After every storm, the sun comes out shining. And there are a million and one ways to start a fire. :)

Remember you are loved. Remember you are important. Remember that you are known. And again, no matter the size of your faith, it's still light.

Cancer Musings

Over the past month or so, I've had so many thoughts on cancer, people, how the two go together, and other things about life. I have also made a goal or two. Some of it random and funny, and some more thoughtful and "pondery." Lol. So I decided to share some of them. I hope that's OK. I do not mean any offense to anyone, or to make too light of a serious subject. Like I said. They're just random thoughts and musings I've had over the past little while.

1. "Ugh. Stupid cancer." This is the most common. :)

2. Person: How are you feeling today?
    Me: I'm doing great! How are you?
    Person: Well, I'm doing fine, but I want to know about you. I'm not the one with cancer!
    Me: Wait. Who has cancer?!?!
    Me: ..... oh, yeah ....

3. Cancer itself is not what hurts. It's everything that comes with cancer that hurts. The tests, needles, surgeries, the loss of loved ones, etc. That's what hurts. And as weird as it sounds, this thought brings me comfort. I can live through tests. I can live through surgeries and needles, and I've survived the loss of loved ones to cancer. Therefore, I can survive the hurt that cancer brings. Meaning, I can survive cancer.

4. I am a member of the X-Men. Hear me out. Cancer is a bunch of mutated cells. Well, I have cancer. Which means I have mutated cells. That makes me a mutant, and therefore part of the X-Men. Done.

5. Would I still have gotten cancer if I were still in Utah? I don't mean this in an "I regret moving" kind of way, and I don't mean it as "Texas gave me cancer" either. If God had told me that I would move to Texas, love my job and the people I work with and meet, find a loving, compassionate, hilarious husband, but be diagnosed with cancer, I would still make the same decision. Every single time. I just wonder if my life's plan instead of come to Texas was to stay in Utah, would this have still occurred.

6. All of the sudden I want to watch every movie I can think of that has a character who has been diagnosed with cancer. I wonder if it will be a different experience. I know that sounds lame, but for real. I've always watched those movies from one lens; that of a person on the outside. But now I have a new lens prescription. I wonder if it'll be different.

7. When you're diagnosed with cancer, the ones closest to you are diagnosed as well. They may not physically and medically have it, but they are a part of your diagnosis. It affects a lot of people. I thought I would just do my thing while everyone else did theirs, and life would move forward, and I would fight this without it affecting anyone a whole lot. I was GREATLY humbled when I realized the opposite. Cancer is not something you take on alone. It doesn't affect you alone. It affects so much more.

8. God knows what He's doing. He knew this day would come, and He knew exactly what and who I would need to help me. He led me to it, and He will guide me through it.

9. I'm going to swim the English Channel. Seriously! I know many of you are laughing right now. But for real! After I kick cancer to the curb, continue getting my health and lifestyle choices on track, and LOTS of training (we're talking years, here. YEARS.), I'm going to do it. Doubters gonna doubt. Haters gonna hate.

10. I want a doughnut. (Remembers cancer is attracted to sugar...) Darn you, cancer! Ugh. I hate you.

Cancer

I honestly never thought I'd have cancer. I've had dreams about having it since I was little, but never did I think that at some point in my life I'd actually have it.

On August 17, 2015 I was diagnosed with Hodgkin's Lymphoma, stage 2B.

I have cancer.

Let me start by saying that I'm going to live. :) Seriously. I'm not going to die. I have a very good diagnosis, survival rates for Hodgkin's are high, and through much pondering and prayer, I have had my own personal confirmation that I am going to be just fine. This is just a bump in the road of life that I must go over.

I will be starting chemo within the next ten days, and I will receive chemo via a mediport catheter that will be implanted in my chest. It sounds worse than it is. Trust me. After three rounds (for my diagnosis, this also equals three months) of chemotherapy, I will undergo some more scanning and tests to determine how well everything is going. At that point we will decided on more chemo or to also add radiation into the mix.

The awesome news is that I will still be able to teach and work and do my everyday things. I am going to have to learn to pace myself, however. Something I have never been good at doing, but there's no better time than the present to learn! :)

Every day we are learning more and more about the tender mercies and love of our Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ. Though this trial has come quickly and we are still taking it in at times, we have never felt more humbled and blessed by the arms that have reached out to help and support us. We have been blessed in so many ways within the past couple of weeks, and John and I are filled with so much love and gratitude.

Please do not be offended if you did not personally receive a phone call telling you about what's happening. And please don't be offended that you're finding out through this blog or Facebook. John and I did not choose to share this information via social media lightly. We decided to share it to be able to update on a regular basis our family and friends who are far away from us. We also thought it might be a good idea to share this news for support. Even though we are both very firm in the confirmation that I'm going to be just fine, we also know there will be hard days where notes or pictures from loved ones and friends will be a wonderful, welcoming distraction. :)

If you have any questions, ask me! I'd be more than happy to answer them. Also, please feel free to send any prayers or positive thoughts to John and I and our families. We are all feeling very positive, but again, we know there will be days where things are a little "cancery." And prayers and good thoughts will be much appreciated. :)

We love you all, very much! We'll update when we can, and again, feel free to ask questions. We love you!

Five Things You Should Know About People With Anxiety

 I have spent many hours and thoughts pondering how to write this entry in a way that will paint my topic in the best light, and in a way that will help people understand this topic better. I have felt the need to write this entry for over a year now, and I think I finally got it all down.

As I have not so subtly hinted on Facebook, I have General Anxiety Disorder. Sometimes it's hard saying that out loud, because sometimes people begin to think of you differently and treat you differently. I have decided due to past and more recent events to hopefully clear up, a little more, the stereotype-filled-air, and hopefully shed a little more light on the subject of anxiety.


FIVE THINGS YOU SHOULD KNOW ABOUT PEOPLE WITH ANXIETY

1. The Struggle Is Real
My best friend once asked me to describe what it felt like to have an anxiety attack. I told her it's a battle of the mind. In the rational side of your brain, you know everything is fine and that nothing is wrong with you. On the other hand, there is a small part of your brain that is filled with irrational fear. And unfortunately, that small part has a way of growing and enveloping the rational side in fear and panic. At that point the struggle is calming yourself down to the point where your rational side is able to take over again and squash the fear. This can take minutes to hours, depending on the severity of the attack. Most of the time everyone has a "trigger" that causes the anxiety to build. Sometimes it comes from nowhere and you just gotta deal. You may want to tell us at times to just "shake it off" and that "it's all in your head," and to a point you're right. It is all in our head. We know that. That's why, for us, the struggle is very real.

2. It's Different For Everyone
Everybody's anxiety is different. For some it's social situations; for others it flares up due to past experiences that are suddenly brought to the present mind. And then for others it's purely about their current situation and environment around them. Everyone experiences anxiety at some point in their lives, and no two people with anxiety are the same. Don't lump everyone with chronic anxiety in a huge barrel and believe that what works for one person will work for another. Because our situations and triggers are different, so are our solutions to the problem.

3. We're Not Crazy
I'll say it again. We are not crazy. Often times people diagnosed with anxiety or panic disorder don't like to share that tid bit of info, because then people begin to treat us differently. We know how ridiculous our fears are. We know exactly how irrational we sound. We are totally aware of the situation. But again, for us no matter how ridiculous we sound, the struggle is very real. We get anxious. We get nervous. We work it out the best we can and sometimes with or without the help of others. You don't need to watch us like a zoo animal waiting for something insane to happen or for us to freak out and run. We'll think you're crazy. ;)

4. Be Patient
I asked my husband to help me with this one. I asked him what was one thing he would tell people about those with anxiety. At first he said, "That you're not crazy." (See. Told ya.) But I already had that one. So he said, "People need to know to be patient. It might take a little while for someone to work through an anxiety attack. And it might take awhile for someone to be able to have the control over their anxiety that they want to have. No matter what though, you gotta be patient with them, help them, and love them. They will get there." (Yeah. I married a good one.)

5. All We Need Is For You to Be There
Just knowing that you are there and that we can rely on you, makes a huge difference in our struggle. And when I say knowing "you are there and that we can rely on you," I mean that having the knowledge that you are a friend, that you will try to be patient, that you will sit with us while we work out our struggle, not judge us, but love us, and even help us focus our minds on something else; these things alone are HUGE. For me, knowing I have a hand I can hold while I count my breaths to help me calm down, or knowing I can call a few friends to sit and watch "Bob's Burgers" with me because John isn't home from work yet and I just had an anxiety attack, or knowing I can call someone who will simply talk to me till I'm OK and have worked things out; all these things help more than you know.

Don't be afraid to ask questions. The more you know, the more you can help. And if you don't want to be that help because you're unsure of what to do or you don't know if you can or even want to handle it, that's OK! We get it. Really. We understand that more than you think. There are many days where we don't even want to deal with it.

So, again. Don't be afraid to ask questions. The more you know is the more you know! :)

Hey, guess what, World? I'm married. :)

So I always said that if I were ever to get married, the world would know (mainly because it would probably be in the Millennium, but we're glad that's not the case). So guess what, World? I'm married. :)

John and I met in our singles ward. He says it was at a combined ward activity, and I swear it was at an FHE where we were moving materials to our new meeting house. Either way, I'm pretty glad we met!

One night a friend and I decided to go see "Divergent" with some people from the ward. John was among them. After the movie we went to IHOP where I tried to sneakily fight hard to sit next to him. He was pretty quiet, but funny at the same time. Oh, and of course, cute.

Our next adventure was to go see "Captain America" and then attend the YSA dance with friends. I took the opportunity to teach him how to swing dance, and he took the opportunity to ask me to slow dance. And let me tell ya, I was impressed. The man can dance! After the dance a large group of us went out to Whataburger. As luck would have it, John and I got our food together, sat down together, and no one sat next to us even though there was plenty of room, and we had many friends there. John and I spent the next four hours talking, and I felt some comfortable and at home; a feeling I hadn't felt yet after having moved to San Antonio.

After a bonfire one night, lots of flirting at Institute, and an adorable phone call, John and I had our first date April 11th. I can honestly say that we have seen each other everyday since then. Seriously. Not kidding. Even when I left for two weeks to go to Nebraska and Georgia. Skype became our best friend. We got engaged in July when I came home from my trip (you'll have to ask me about that one), and we were married on November 22nd. It was such an incredible day! I am so thankful that I moved to San Antonio, and even more grateful God blessed me with John. I could not have asked for a better partner in love and in life.

So there you have it, World. I'm married! Be sure to check back to see our crazy shenanigans and fun times!

I love him.

Update, Gratitude, and A Hymn With a New Meaning (Be prepared. It sounds a lot like a mixture of a talk and an English paper... I apologize for not being sorry.)

Things have been getting better, clearer, and sometimes what feels to be worse, all at the same time. Haha. But mostly better and clearer. I thought I had made it completely through Hell (referring to my last post), but in retrospect I only made it through the hardest part of Hell. Now I'm slowly but surely finding my way out completely. 

I got to go home from Spring Break and it was perfect. It was exactly what I needed, and I couldn't have asked for something better. Words cannot describe how much more complete and happy I felt last week. I haven't felt like that in a long time. Don't get me wrong, I'm a happy person! But I haven't been as happy, and I haven't felt as complete. But now, I feel much better. There are still nights that are a trial, and there are still moments where I'm having a hard time. But I can see the light at the edge of the darkness, and I am so close to being out.

Again,  I haven't done this alone. And that is something that yes, in reference to my last post, I knew and realized, but now I am realizing it even more so in a heavenly sense. Again, my parents have been phenomenal. I don't think there are enough words in this world to describe my gratitude to Heavenly Father for my parents. They have been with me every step of the way, and without a doubt I can say I will never have as great of friends on this earth as my parents. And also again, there is my sister and her cute, little family that I love so much. In all the empty spaces, they have been there to make it significantly less empty. Through Skype and text messages and phone calls, they have sustained me and lifted me up with their personal faith and their faith in me. My entire family has supplied me with insurmountable strength that cannot be measured or seen.

And then there are friends; another huge rock of strength. From our group Skype date, to the text messages and emails, and the phone calls of love and support. Not all of you have known my struggles or trial, but you were divinely inspired, I have no doubt. Because each message of love and encouragement came at exactly the right time. So thank you for listening to the Holy Ghost and acting on promptings that you may have thought didn't mean a whole lot of anything; but they meant everything.

Tonight while Skyping with my sister, as she was putting Catherine to bed she started to sing some hymns and Primary songs to get Catherine to fall asleep. As she put the phone down and sang, I was folding my clothes singing in my head with her. The last hymn she sang was "How Firm a Foundation." Now, I've always loved that hymn, but at the same time I had never truly listened to the words. This hymn took on a whole new meaning for me tonight. There is no doubt that I was meant to hear this hymn, and I am so grateful for the opportunity I had to hear my sister sing it. 

It is entirely, 100% about the Savior coming to our aid in times of trial. The first verse tells us that we have been given a solid, firm foundation: the Lord, Jesus Christ. He is our Savior and we can run to Him for refuge. We should run to Him for refuge! The second verse tells us that no matter what, in sickness, in health, whether we are rich or poor, no matter where we are in this world, "so thy succor shall be." I believe it was Neal A. Maxwell who said that the Savior suffered so that He would know how to succor us; how to help us. How to lift us in times of trial. How to comfort us in times of need. And no matter where we are in life and in this world, He will always be our Savior and come to our aid.

Verses three, four, and five are my personal favorites. In verse three it is the Lord speaking to us. He promises us that if we are righteous and look to Him, He will strengthen us, help us, lift us up. In verse four He promises that even though we will be asked to do hard and scary things, "the rivers of sorrow shall not thee o'erflow. For I will be with thee, thy troubles to bless, and sanctify to thee the deepest distress." We will be asked to do hard things. We will be asked to go "through the deep waters," but God will not abandon us. The Savior will not abandon us. They will bless us, sanctify us, and not allow our troubles and trials to drown us. And then five. Verse five is the best. "When through fiery trials thy pathway shall lie, / My grace, all sufficient, shall be thy supply. / The flame shall not hurt thee; I only design / Thy dross to consume and thy gold to refine." When we face those hard times, the Savior's grace is enough to conquer what is in front of us, and He will carry us through. We need to rely on His loving Atonement. He has designed these flames, and like the refiner's fire, He will consume and burn our impurities and our weaknesses, and He will refine us until we are gold. Paraphrasing, but "if the very jaws of Hell shall gape open wide the mouth after thee, all these things shall give thee experience and be for thy good."

Six talks about the Savior's love for us. That even until we're old and gray, we are His sheep and He is our Shepherd. And finally, verse seven is our dedication to Him. "I will not, I cannot, desert to his foes; / That soul, though all hell should endeavor to shake, / I'll never, no never, no never forsake." Satan is gonna try REAL hard to get us to shake and tremble with fear and doubt. The question is, "Will I allow it? Will I allow him to rob me of my faith and replace it with fear and doubt?" No, I will not.

So tonight was a very "faith opening" night for me tonight. I definitely feel strengthened and empowered to face a another night, and another dawn, and another day. I greatly needed the hymn and I think I really needed to blog. To get it all out there (OK, maybe not ALL. I haven't told you exactly what's been going on. But you get the point.). It has been very therapeutic, and I believe helpful. You will probably find it very boring, dull, possibly too religious, and completely ridiculous. But it helped me. And I feel good about that. :)

If You're Going Through Hell, Keep On Going

My mantra for the past couple of weeks comes from a Rodney Atkins song. "If you're going through hell, keep on going." And let me tell ya, the past two weeks have felt like walking through Hell. I won't go into the details, but let's just say it's been rough. However, if there's several things I realized over the past two weeks, it's that family and faith can provide more strength than I give them credit for sometimes.

I have called to talk to my mom everyday for 14 days. Poor, woman. Poor, Dad! I would talk to her from anywhere between thirty minutes to two and half hours. I'm just thankful that my mom is able to fully understand and empathize what's been going on and knew exactly what would help me. Moms are amazing like that. And thank you to my Dad who let me steal her ear for so long. :)

And then there's my sister and brother-in-law. In all the empty spaces between school and talking with my parents, I would talk to them. Even if Catherine was getting into something she shouldn't, or Rachel was cooking dinner, or Bradley was driving somewhere, they would talk to me. For however long it took. They would just talk to me.

And last, but certainly not least, faith. Faith and the Gospel will take you very far. I learned to rely on prayer and faith when it was 2 am and I needed someone. Something. Anyone. I knew I could pray and rely on Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ. I knew I could rely on the scriptures and Conference talks. I knew I could turn to the Gospel, and just like my family, I would receive the help I need.

One night while trying to find the strength and help I needed at the time, I was reminded of Elder Holland's talk from this past General Conference. I am paraphrasing here, but he said something to the effect of, "If the miracle seems to not come fully or seemingly at all, drink the bitter cup and be strong; trusting in better days ahead." And so that night I drank the bitter cup, and held on. Trusting and having faith that there were better days ahead. I think that was Elder Holland's eloquent and more Gospel centered way of saying what Rodney Atkins was trying to say. And sometimes you'll get out "before the Devil even knows you're there."

In brighter news, I have decided to take an art class and yoga class. Hooray! I'm pretty excited about this. I think both will be good for me, and an opportunity to meet new people and experience new things. So here's to bettering myself and expanding myself past my comfort zone.

So here's to walking through Hell, making it to the other side with a smile and greater faith, and here's to self betterment; trusting in brighter, happier days ahead. :)

Femininity: The Possible Key

Did anyone ever see this movie? I've been thinking about this a lot lately due to a specific FHE we had a few months ago, and I have come to this conclusion: the wicked taketh the truth to be hard.

Let me explain...

A dating coach came and spoke to our stake about techniques and tips and tricks for dating. Several of which I disagreed with completely. I became very defensive and worked up over a lot of her points and left the night completely frustrated.

I have asked myself over and over again why exactly I became so upset. And after much deliberation, soul searching, and extensive conversations with the roommate, it was determined that I was the wicked and I took the truth to be hard. :)

I didn't want to hear that I was the one doing anything wrong. I didn't want to hear that I wasn't being "feminine" enough. It's the guys! Not the girls. Not me! Am I right?!

No, Liz. You are most definitely not right.

I think too many times in dating and relationships we are so willing to point the finger and blame the other person. It's his fault. It's her fault. It's their fault. And I think the reason I had such a hard time with this FHE is because it hit me half way through that some of it is MY fault.

The biggest realization that hit me: I need to be more feminine. Don't ask me exactly what I mean by that. I'm not even sure I know. But I feel that it could be one of many keys that will open one awesome, eternal door. We shall see.

PS- Don't judge me on this post. It took 2 months and a lot of thinking to publish. :)

Hello, 2014!

So this year I did not write a "Goodbye Year" post. Bummer for all of you who actually read this, I'm sure. ;) Instead, I decided to write a "Hello Year" post! Because holy crow, have things been happening this year!


What's up, 2014?! It's very good to see you!

For starters, I moved to San Antonio. I know, crazy! Well, if you know me and the thought process, decision process, and prayerful consideration process I put into this, then you know it really wasn't that crazy. But at the same time...CRAZY! I can honestly say without any doubt that I made the right decision and am heading towards something amazing. What amazingness exactly, I know not. But I'll let you know as soon as I figure it out.

It's awesome because a year ago my roommate Cathy and I were saying that we both had a feeling that something huge was on the horizon. That there was going to be some kind of big change coming our way, but we didn't know what it would be. So all year we've been looking and searching, and in typical girl fashion, over analyzed everything wondering, "Is this it? Could this be 'IT???'" You know, the ominous "IT". And every time, it was never IT. Then around Thanksgiving and into Christmas time, everything fell into place for me. I won't go into the rather boring details, feel free to call if you want them, but life in its not-so-subtle ways lead me to a job in San Antonio.

Never in my life would I have imagined not living in Utah or Georgia. That was always the plan. Get a degree and teach in one of those states. Now granted, the idea of a man by my side was somewhere in there too, but oh, well. Not the point. I just never thought I would be somewhere where my family wasn't. And at first that thought was very scary. Now, not so much. I've been here less than a week, and I've already made my own kind of little family. My dear friends from college, Rachel and Jared Anderson, have taken me under their wing and have been such a huge support. They helped me get out here, have helped me feel welcome, and have definitely helped me feel not so alone. Texas is a big state with a lot of people. It's definitely easy to get and feel lost in this place. Honestly, the Lord has provided where everything else has lacked. And I know He will continue to provide and strengthen when I fall short or feel weak.

I will admit this one thing. I miss people. I miss my friends. I miss my kids. I have thought about my friends and my students everyday since I left. I miss them. A lot.

Alrighty then, 2014. I have high hopes for you. Please do not disappoint me. I'm counting on you! Don't let me down!

Revelations, Being OK, and Anne with an "e"

One of my favorite literary characters, Anne Shirley, once said, "There's a book of revelations in everyone's life." This week has been a week of many revelations and ideas and thoughts of new beginnings. I hope I can convey what I want to say without getting too jumbled. I also spent a lot of time wondering over whether or not to publish this post for personal reasons. Hence the 3 am postage time. :)

Revelation #1: Be healthy! 

This has been a priority for awhile, but now it's in motion. My inspiration? My dear friend, Nora. Lauren Conrad's adorable clothes collection at Kohl's (If you know me, you know I don't pay attention to that kind of thing, so this is a big deal). And finally, me, myself, and my future. I am receiving so much love and support from friends and family, and for that I am so grateful. Please feel free to provide me with a plethora of any fit and healthy knowledge you might have! 

Revelation #2: Be creative!

I am rediscovering my love for several things: the piano, art, and writing. One goal is to play the piano for at least an hour and half a day (while it's summer). Another goal is to learn how to paint, and lastly, write. Not many people know this about me, but I love to write. Stories, songs, poems, whatever. I love writing. It doesn't show in the blog, but it's true. I've been working on a children's book, and I really want to finish it this summer if I can. 

Revelation #3: It's OK.

I am OK. Where I'm at in life, what I'm doing with my life...it's OK. In fact, it's more than OK. It's great! And I need to be OK with great. :)

Revelation #4: God and Jesus Christ live and love me.

Now granted, I've always known this. Sometimes I forget or doubt clouds my mind, but I DO know this. And this week I was reminded of it several times. They live and love me, and I am forever grateful for this knowledge.

Revelation #5: Be Better.

It's OK to be good, but we can always be better. Now, I'm not talking about perfection. However, I've realized there are some things in life I need to be better at. A better friend, daughter, sister, teacher, roommate, example, etc. The list goes on! I know not all of this will happen over night. Many things on my list both mentioned and non-mentioned will take time. Maybe even a whole life time! But I should not be complacent with good. I need to be striving to be the best I can be.

Revelation #6: Get To Know Yourself and Love Yourself

If anything and to sum up everything, I need to get to know myself and learn to love myself. It is OK that it's just me, myself, and I right now. Enjoy it, embrace it, love it. Learn from it. I need to use this time to discover and rediscover passions, talents, strengths, weaknesses, faults, failings, successes, and learn to love myself for them. I need to find the good things about me and enhance them. I need to find the not-so-good things about me and change them. Again, I'm not talking about perfection. I'm talking about self-rediscovery and self-betterment.

Now as a part of that, something I have briefly eluded to in this post and in an earlier post from Nov. 2012 (Thoughts of an Eternal Optimist), being OK with just me. I will always have that hope, I will always have that faith, and I will always have that optimism. But I'm going to take some license to focus on me. Not in a selfish way, but to take some things on the forefront of my mind and reorganize. It's OK to be on my own right now. I want to be my own best friend for a little while and not constantly worry about finding and looking for one outside of myself. Anne Shirley also said, "I went looking for my dreams outside of myself and discovered it's not what the world holds for you; it's what you bring to it." So I've decided to focus on getting to know myself better, trying everyday to be better than I was the day before, loving me for exactly who I am (changes or no changes), and bring that to the world. I believe that if I truly and wholeheartedly act on each of these thoughts and ponderings, when all is said and done, I will be a happier person for it. A better person. A more complete person. So here's to finding joy in the journey. Possibly a very LONG journey, but a joyful one, nonetheless. 

Let the Summer Begin

And It's summer time! Woo hoo! I don't think anyone knows how truly excited I am about this. This school year has been crazy hard and even though I will miss a lot of my kids, I am very glad the school year is over. Math classes start next week, and that won't be exactly fun, but it'll be good. :)

The most exciting thing that has happened this summer is that my sister had her first baby! Yay! She is this beautiful baby girl, and I adore her! A picture will be provided below. 

I also want to try painting this summer. Crazy, I know! Not like, anything serious, but to try it out and have fun with it. I'll let you know how that goes. I also want to finish my quilt. Hopefully pictures of that to come soon, too!

I have just realized that I have got to be the most boring blogger! So for those of you that still read this, bless you, you saint! Lol. 

I have a feeling this will be a really good summer! Back in May when Cathy and I moved (again) we both said to each other that we had a feeling a change was coming, and it was going to be a good change. I think it's on its way! We'll see, and I'll keep you posted! 

Here's a picture of my beautiful niece!

Farewell, 2012

It's that time of year again. Time to say goodbye to the year. I'm not gonna lie, these posts are one of my favorite! I rather enjoy writing these. :)


Dear 2012,

You have been such a great year! I have had a lot of fun! You started out with a bang, literally, when I broke my foot. And I know what you're thinking. Breaking your foot was fun? OK, so it wasn't "fun" in the traditional sense, but it was funny and once I learned to have a positive attitude about it, it was great! I had so many awesome experiences because of it. I now have permanent nicknames like "Speed Racer"
and "Scoot and Boot" and "Giddy-up Grandma." It's awesome! Was it frustrating at times? Absolutely. But it was great!

I started taking math classes through USU. What a challenge that has been! A challenge, but also a blessing because it is allowing me to teach math this year at my school. Again, VERY challenging, but it has proven to be a blessing, and I love it!

In June I was able to go to the Oquirrh Mountain Temple and receive my endowments. What a wonderful experience! My parents came to Utah to visit (and for the occasion) and I was able to be surrounded by family and friends. What a better way to spend a day in the summer!

The next big thing came when I moved from one side of the valley to the other. At first I was not so sure about how that was going to turn out, but it has also been fantastic! I have met so many new people, made wonderful friends, and have been given amazing opportunities to do really cool things! For example, I sang in the General Relief Society Conference Choir. I got to meet Sister Burton, the new General Relief Society president (granted, she is my stake president's wife), and her presidency. Again, I met new people and had an awesome spiritual experience. I also have been given the opportunity to work as a temple worker in the Salt Lake City Temple. I am so excited to continue working there!

The friends I have made are wonderful. Right after the move I felt very alone and had a really hard time adjusting. But then I met some amazing people and we have formed quite the group of friends, and I don't feel so alone anymore. Thanks, guys. :)

2012, this year has defnitely been the year of patience. From beginning to end, I have had lesson after lesson, and experience after experience that have required me to be patient and hold on. From my broken foot to work to dating to church to everything! I have been asked to be patient and hang on. And I have! I feel like I have anyway, and I have learned so much. I thank you for that.

Again, 2012, you have been a blast! I thank you for the good times and the challenges and the lessons you have taught me. In the end, every challenge has been a blessing and every lesson worth while. I am sad to see you go. But now, on to 2013. Typically every Friday the 13th is a great day for me! Let's see if the year of '13 is just as good! I will miss you, 2012. Thanks! :)

Thoughts from an Eternal Optimist

It is my right to be an eternal optimist. Even though sometimes my continuous happy go-lucky attitude tends to aggravate people, I have to be optimistic. I have to have hope.

There have been so many times where I would have liked to say to myself, "Give up, Liz. Give in to disappointment. Forget your hope and walk away." However, if I did, every little ray of hopeful sunshine that makes me who I am would be gone. I've always been about hope. I've always been about optimism. I have always been motivated and determined. So what is it about life and love that makes man desire to abandon hope? On the other hand, what is it about life and love that makes me continuously hopeful?

I've been told by some that one of these days I'll wake up to reality and truly see how things are. If that's the case, I sure hope not. Let me be blissfully happy in my ignorance about pessimism, people! It is my hope that keeps me going. It is my hope and optimism that help me get through every day on my own. Don't take that away from me.

In the movie "A League of Their Own" Gina Davis' character is quitting the team (spoiler alert!), looks at Tom Hanks and says, "It just go too hard." In which Tom replies, "It's supposed to be hard. If it wasn't hard, everyone would do it. It's the hard that makes it great." Life is supposed to be somewhat difficult. Life is supposed to be a little bit frustrating. But after much tribulation cometh the blessings! Don't give up simply because 'it just got too hard.'

The other day I was grading some math tests and as I was grading I kept thinking, "Liz, what made you think you could ever possibly be an effective math teacher? What were you thinking when you decided to take several math classes to be math endorsed, while teaching math and English, while doing everything else in life?" I was losing my optimism. I started grading a student's test who has some serious struggles in math. I was prepping myself for disappoint when I realized he had only missed one question on the test. I graded that same paper three more times to double check myself. Sure enough, he had only missed one. I was so excited! He received the highest grade in the class. And then  it occurred to me: "This is why you teach math. This is why you decided to teach at all. So that you can make a difference. So quit whining and go do it." Optimism and hope restored.

However, sometimes with other things in life it's not that easy or simple. When things in life don't happen when we want or how we want, we tend to throw in the towel, call it quits, and walk away. I've tried. For the record, I epically fail at walking away and giving up. And I'll admit...sometimes it's really annoying, but sometimes it's 100% worth the lessons we learn and strength we gain. So many times I have tried dwelling in disappointment and bitter feelings. It doesn't last long. That's just not me. I'll say I'm calling it quits and two days later, if not two hours, I'm back in saddle ready to go. I have to be optimistic. I have to have hope. I have to be joyful. I think I'd go crazy if I wasn't.

I know I've said it before, but seeing other people makes me happy. I find so much joy in being a witness to the happiness of others. Knowing that they are able to partake and experience blessings that I so desperately want to have makes me happy because if they are seeking for those blessings just like me, then I know how much they've wanted it, and I'm happy they found it! Is that weird?

Anyway, those have been my thoughts for the past few months. It just took me a while to get it "honest to blog." And PS- if you can name that movie, you just became one of my favorite people. :) Just sayin'.

Funny Teacher/Student Thought for the Day:

Student 1: Miss A, you've got to be the swaggest teacher in this school!

Me: Swaggest, huh?

Student 2: Yeah, Miss A. You are totally boss.

Me: Whoa! Swag AND boss? Do you think I can handle that?

Student 1: Definitely. If not, I'll teach you.

Me: Alright. Rock on!

Now, I don't know the exact definitions they want to associate with those words, but it means I'm cool, right? ;)

Lately...

Lately life has been GREAT! It is the summer time and I am having a most fantabulous time with family and friends.

For starters, I can walk and I moved! Yup! I went from the west side of the valley to the east side. Don't judge me, people. And my roommates and I get along great! We have a blast in our townhouse.

I am also taking math classes from USU. I know! Crazy, right?! But next year, and from now on, every year, I will be teaching English and Math. Yowzzaa! That's quite a combination. But I am so excited for this. I was originally declared as a Math Ed major in college, but then switched to English. English has brought me a lot of joy, but I have also missed math. Again, crazy, right?! Who misses math??? I do. :) So this will definitely be an adventure...

I also had the amazing opportunity on June 20th to go through the Oquirrh Mountain Temple. My parents came to town and it was a wonderful experience! It is always so exciting to learn new things and to be able to draw closer to Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ. I am so grateful for temples and the knowledge that families can be together forever.

I am starting to write a book! So fun! It's a dating book geared toward LDS girls/young women/singles/ whatever, and it's about the different lessons I have learned while dating and how they can apply these lessons. Kind of a "what I've learned and different tips and tricks to keep in mind while dating" book, also mixed in a lot with the gospel. I am so excited for this book! I have already started writing it, and I've gotten pretty far. It's cool because I feel really inspired and I just think it's a cool project! Hopefully you'll be able to see it while your perusing through Deseret Book in a a year or two...

I miss my students. Again, crazy. Do you see a pattern forming here? But I really do! Those kids brought so much laughter and joy and sometimes frustration to my life, but I love teaching and I love my school and my job! It's sad to not have to wake up for something every morning. Except your just waking up for you and cleaning the house and groceries and laundry and.....OK, so I guess I have things to wake up for. But they are not NEARLY as fun as teaching. ;)

Life has just been REALLY good. I have a great feeling that this is going to be an awesome year, despite the fact that I started it with a broken foot. I've just realized so many things lately about myself and life and the gospel. I truly believe there are reasons as to why I broke my foot. Yes, on the outside it sounds like a freak accident and it kind of was, but I don't think it was so much an accident as it was an avenue for me to continue to learn things and to humble myself. And yes, I've been dealing with personal trials lately and struggles and difficulties, but I am trying so hard to see them as more avenues to learning new things and bettering myself. Having this positive attitude has had a huge impact on my life. And most of the time, it is while you are living life that the most amazing things happen. :)

One of These Days

One of These Days...

-I'm going to know what that random sound is every night coming from upstairs at around 11:30.

-I will be walking again. YES!

-I will be able to play a song on my guitar without having to look and make sure I'm playing the correct chords.

-I will go to Egypt and Greece. Not in the same trip, mind you.

-I'll be able to go to England and see where my grandparents grew up.

-I will be able to join my friends in the "Married with Baby" ranks.

-I will run a 5K (Baby steps, people).

- I will own some kind of crossover vehicle.

-I will finish that quilt I started...

-I will be able to play my violin like I did in high school.

-I will find the perfect scare tactic for my eighth graders, because they've scared me so many times, it's my turn. :)

-I will be better at photography.

-I will not only just see the temple, but go inside.

-I will meet some famous person and have an awesome conversation with them lasting longer than five minutes.

-I will understand and be grateful for the trials placed in front of me.

-I will not be afraid of any and all dogs.

-I will read every book on my "to read" list on Goodreads.

-I will write a book or short story that could appear on someone's "to read" list on Goodreads.

-I will find something better to blog about. :)

Until next time!

Healing

The foot is definitely healing! This is a blessing! I should be walking on April 9th. I will let you know if that happens. So far the doctor says I've been healing great, and things look good. This is excellent! Life is good.

I'm tired of the scooter though. It's appeal wore off after a month or so. A friend of mine from work said, "It's like it's a part of you now. It's just a part of your life, and you've come to accept it." And it's true. Honestly, other than the fact that it can be a pain in the butt sometimes, I don't think about it much anymore. It has become a part of daily life. So everyday, it's life. For the past three months. I still, however, very much look forward to walking. :)

I am also healing in other ways. Mainly emotionally. The past six months have been very emotionally draining from my personal life to church life to school life to home to health life to everything! It has just literally worn me out. But I can definitely see how I'm healing. Other than the foot, I am back to my normal self, still kickin', and still hangin' in there. It's amazing to look back on myself a year ago, and see how far I've come and the things I have accomplished and experienced!

As a part of this healing, I am also moving! Don't worry, I'm still going to live in Utah. But I am moving to the other side of the valley to a townhouse with two of my friends. Since January, I have felt that it is time to move and fully move on from things, and I feel more than ready for that! I am so glad we found this place! It is amazing! As soon as I move in, I'll post pictures. But I feel like it's a good chapter break. One chapter closes, and another one opens up to me. I'm nervous, but excited to read this one. It will be REALLY different, but I look forward to it. :)

Let the healing continue.

It's All About Attitude

Trying to make the best out of everything. :)