Over the past month or so, I've had so many thoughts on cancer, people, how the two go together, and other things about life. I have also made a goal or two. Some of it random and funny, and some more thoughtful and "pondery." Lol. So I decided to share some of them. I hope that's OK. I do not mean any offense to anyone, or to make too light of a serious subject. Like I said. They're just random thoughts and musings I've had over the past little while.
1. "Ugh. Stupid cancer." This is the most common. :)
2. Person: How are you feeling today?
Me: I'm doing great! How are you?
Person: Well, I'm doing fine, but I want to know about you. I'm not the one with cancer!
Me: Wait. Who has cancer?!?!
Me: ..... oh, yeah ....
3. Cancer itself is not what hurts. It's everything that comes with cancer that hurts. The tests, needles, surgeries, the loss of loved ones, etc. That's what hurts. And as weird as it sounds, this thought brings me comfort. I can live through tests. I can live through surgeries and needles, and I've survived the loss of loved ones to cancer. Therefore, I can survive the hurt that cancer brings. Meaning, I can survive cancer.
4. I am a member of the X-Men. Hear me out. Cancer is a bunch of mutated cells. Well, I have cancer. Which means I have mutated cells. That makes me a mutant, and therefore part of the X-Men. Done.
5. Would I still have gotten cancer if I were still in Utah? I don't mean this in an "I regret moving" kind of way, and I don't mean it as "Texas gave me cancer" either. If God had told me that I would move to Texas, love my job and the people I work with and meet, find a loving, compassionate, hilarious husband, but be diagnosed with cancer, I would still make the same decision. Every single time. I just wonder if my life's plan instead of come to Texas was to stay in Utah, would this have still occurred.
6. All of the sudden I want to watch every movie I can think of that has a character who has been diagnosed with cancer. I wonder if it will be a different experience. I know that sounds lame, but for real. I've always watched those movies from one lens; that of a person on the outside. But now I have a new lens prescription. I wonder if it'll be different.
7. When you're diagnosed with cancer, the ones closest to you are diagnosed as well. They may not physically and medically have it, but they are a part of your diagnosis. It affects a lot of people. I thought I would just do my thing while everyone else did theirs, and life would move forward, and I would fight this without it affecting anyone a whole lot. I was GREATLY humbled when I realized the opposite. Cancer is not something you take on alone. It doesn't affect you alone. It affects so much more.
8. God knows what He's doing. He knew this day would come, and He knew exactly what and who I would need to help me. He led me to it, and He will guide me through it.
9. I'm going to swim the English Channel. Seriously! I know many of you are laughing right now. But for real! After I kick cancer to the curb, continue getting my health and lifestyle choices on track, and LOTS of training (we're talking years, here. YEARS.), I'm going to do it. Doubters gonna doubt. Haters gonna hate.
10. I want a doughnut. (Remembers cancer is attracted to sugar...) Darn you, cancer! Ugh. I hate you.
Wednesday, September 9, 2015
Saturday, August 22, 2015
Cancer
I honestly never thought I'd have cancer. I've had dreams about having it since I was little, but never did I think that at some point in my life I'd actually have it.
On August 17, 2015 I was diagnosed with Hodgkin's Lymphoma, stage 2B.
I have cancer.
Let me start by saying that I'm going to live. :) Seriously. I'm not going to die. I have a very good diagnosis, survival rates for Hodgkin's are high, and through much pondering and prayer, I have had my own personal confirmation that I am going to be just fine. This is just a bump in the road of life that I must go over.
I will be starting chemo within the next ten days, and I will receive chemo via a mediport catheter that will be implanted in my chest. It sounds worse than it is. Trust me. After three rounds (for my diagnosis, this also equals three months) of chemotherapy, I will undergo some more scanning and tests to determine how well everything is going. At that point we will decided on more chemo or to also add radiation into the mix.
The awesome news is that I will still be able to teach and work and do my everyday things. I am going to have to learn to pace myself, however. Something I have never been good at doing, but there's no better time than the present to learn! :)
Every day we are learning more and more about the tender mercies and love of our Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ. Though this trial has come quickly and we are still taking it in at times, we have never felt more humbled and blessed by the arms that have reached out to help and support us. We have been blessed in so many ways within the past couple of weeks, and John and I are filled with so much love and gratitude.
Please do not be offended if you did not personally receive a phone call telling you about what's happening. And please don't be offended that you're finding out through this blog or Facebook. John and I did not choose to share this information via social media lightly. We decided to share it to be able to update on a regular basis our family and friends who are far away from us. We also thought it might be a good idea to share this news for support. Even though we are both very firm in the confirmation that I'm going to be just fine, we also know there will be hard days where notes or pictures from loved ones and friends will be a wonderful, welcoming distraction. :)
If you have any questions, ask me! I'd be more than happy to answer them. Also, please feel free to send any prayers or positive thoughts to John and I and our families. We are all feeling very positive, but again, we know there will be days where things are a little "cancery." And prayers and good thoughts will be much appreciated. :)
We love you all, very much! We'll update when we can, and again, feel free to ask questions. We love you!
On August 17, 2015 I was diagnosed with Hodgkin's Lymphoma, stage 2B.
I have cancer.
Let me start by saying that I'm going to live. :) Seriously. I'm not going to die. I have a very good diagnosis, survival rates for Hodgkin's are high, and through much pondering and prayer, I have had my own personal confirmation that I am going to be just fine. This is just a bump in the road of life that I must go over.
I will be starting chemo within the next ten days, and I will receive chemo via a mediport catheter that will be implanted in my chest. It sounds worse than it is. Trust me. After three rounds (for my diagnosis, this also equals three months) of chemotherapy, I will undergo some more scanning and tests to determine how well everything is going. At that point we will decided on more chemo or to also add radiation into the mix.
The awesome news is that I will still be able to teach and work and do my everyday things. I am going to have to learn to pace myself, however. Something I have never been good at doing, but there's no better time than the present to learn! :)
Every day we are learning more and more about the tender mercies and love of our Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ. Though this trial has come quickly and we are still taking it in at times, we have never felt more humbled and blessed by the arms that have reached out to help and support us. We have been blessed in so many ways within the past couple of weeks, and John and I are filled with so much love and gratitude.
Please do not be offended if you did not personally receive a phone call telling you about what's happening. And please don't be offended that you're finding out through this blog or Facebook. John and I did not choose to share this information via social media lightly. We decided to share it to be able to update on a regular basis our family and friends who are far away from us. We also thought it might be a good idea to share this news for support. Even though we are both very firm in the confirmation that I'm going to be just fine, we also know there will be hard days where notes or pictures from loved ones and friends will be a wonderful, welcoming distraction. :)
If you have any questions, ask me! I'd be more than happy to answer them. Also, please feel free to send any prayers or positive thoughts to John and I and our families. We are all feeling very positive, but again, we know there will be days where things are a little "cancery." And prayers and good thoughts will be much appreciated. :)
We love you all, very much! We'll update when we can, and again, feel free to ask questions. We love you!
Saturday, June 27, 2015
Five Things You Should Know About People With Anxiety
I have spent many hours and thoughts pondering how to write this entry in a way that will paint my topic in the best light, and in a way that will help people understand this topic better. I have felt the need to write this entry for over a year now, and I think I finally got it all down.
As I have not so subtly hinted on Facebook, I have General Anxiety Disorder. Sometimes it's hard saying that out loud, because sometimes people begin to think of you differently and treat you differently. I have decided due to past and more recent events to hopefully clear up, a little more, the stereotype-filled-air, and hopefully shed a little more light on the subject of anxiety.
FIVE THINGS YOU SHOULD KNOW ABOUT PEOPLE WITH ANXIETY
1. The Struggle Is Real
My best friend once asked me to describe what it felt like to have an anxiety attack. I told her it's a battle of the mind. In the rational side of your brain, you know everything is fine and that nothing is wrong with you. On the other hand, there is a small part of your brain that is filled with irrational fear. And unfortunately, that small part has a way of growing and enveloping the rational side in fear and panic. At that point the struggle is calming yourself down to the point where your rational side is able to take over again and squash the fear. This can take minutes to hours, depending on the severity of the attack. Most of the time everyone has a "trigger" that causes the anxiety to build. Sometimes it comes from nowhere and you just gotta deal. You may want to tell us at times to just "shake it off" and that "it's all in your head," and to a point you're right. It is all in our head. We know that. That's why, for us, the struggle is very real.
2. It's Different For Everyone
Everybody's anxiety is different. For some it's social situations; for others it flares up due to past experiences that are suddenly brought to the present mind. And then for others it's purely about their current situation and environment around them. Everyone experiences anxiety at some point in their lives, and no two people with anxiety are the same. Don't lump everyone with chronic anxiety in a huge barrel and believe that what works for one person will work for another. Because our situations and triggers are different, so are our solutions to the problem.
3. We're Not Crazy
I'll say it again. We are not crazy. Often times people diagnosed with anxiety or panic disorder don't like to share that tid bit of info, because then people begin to treat us differently. We know how ridiculous our fears are. We know exactly how irrational we sound. We are totally aware of the situation. But again, for us no matter how ridiculous we sound, the struggle is very real. We get anxious. We get nervous. We work it out the best we can and sometimes with or without the help of others. You don't need to watch us like a zoo animal waiting for something insane to happen or for us to freak out and run. We'll think you're crazy. ;)
4. Be Patient
I asked my husband to help me with this one. I asked him what was one thing he would tell people about those with anxiety. At first he said, "That you're not crazy." (See. Told ya.) But I already had that one. So he said, "People need to know to be patient. It might take a little while for someone to work through an anxiety attack. And it might take awhile for someone to be able to have the control over their anxiety that they want to have. No matter what though, you gotta be patient with them, help them, and love them. They will get there." (Yeah. I married a good one.)
5. All We Need Is For You to Be There
Just knowing that you are there and that we can rely on you, makes a huge difference in our struggle. And when I say knowing "you are there and that we can rely on you," I mean that having the knowledge that you are a friend, that you will try to be patient, that you will sit with us while we work out our struggle, not judge us, but love us, and even help us focus our minds on something else; these things alone are HUGE. For me, knowing I have a hand I can hold while I count my breaths to help me calm down, or knowing I can call a few friends to sit and watch "Bob's Burgers" with me because John isn't home from work yet and I just had an anxiety attack, or knowing I can call someone who will simply talk to me till I'm OK and have worked things out; all these things help more than you know.
Don't be afraid to ask questions. The more you know, the more you can help. And if you don't want to be that help because you're unsure of what to do or you don't know if you can or even want to handle it, that's OK! We get it. Really. We understand that more than you think. There are many days where we don't even want to deal with it.
So, again. Don't be afraid to ask questions. The more you know is the more you know! :)
As I have not so subtly hinted on Facebook, I have General Anxiety Disorder. Sometimes it's hard saying that out loud, because sometimes people begin to think of you differently and treat you differently. I have decided due to past and more recent events to hopefully clear up, a little more, the stereotype-filled-air, and hopefully shed a little more light on the subject of anxiety.
FIVE THINGS YOU SHOULD KNOW ABOUT PEOPLE WITH ANXIETY
1. The Struggle Is Real
My best friend once asked me to describe what it felt like to have an anxiety attack. I told her it's a battle of the mind. In the rational side of your brain, you know everything is fine and that nothing is wrong with you. On the other hand, there is a small part of your brain that is filled with irrational fear. And unfortunately, that small part has a way of growing and enveloping the rational side in fear and panic. At that point the struggle is calming yourself down to the point where your rational side is able to take over again and squash the fear. This can take minutes to hours, depending on the severity of the attack. Most of the time everyone has a "trigger" that causes the anxiety to build. Sometimes it comes from nowhere and you just gotta deal. You may want to tell us at times to just "shake it off" and that "it's all in your head," and to a point you're right. It is all in our head. We know that. That's why, for us, the struggle is very real.
2. It's Different For Everyone
Everybody's anxiety is different. For some it's social situations; for others it flares up due to past experiences that are suddenly brought to the present mind. And then for others it's purely about their current situation and environment around them. Everyone experiences anxiety at some point in their lives, and no two people with anxiety are the same. Don't lump everyone with chronic anxiety in a huge barrel and believe that what works for one person will work for another. Because our situations and triggers are different, so are our solutions to the problem.
3. We're Not Crazy
I'll say it again. We are not crazy. Often times people diagnosed with anxiety or panic disorder don't like to share that tid bit of info, because then people begin to treat us differently. We know how ridiculous our fears are. We know exactly how irrational we sound. We are totally aware of the situation. But again, for us no matter how ridiculous we sound, the struggle is very real. We get anxious. We get nervous. We work it out the best we can and sometimes with or without the help of others. You don't need to watch us like a zoo animal waiting for something insane to happen or for us to freak out and run. We'll think you're crazy. ;)
4. Be Patient
I asked my husband to help me with this one. I asked him what was one thing he would tell people about those with anxiety. At first he said, "That you're not crazy." (See. Told ya.) But I already had that one. So he said, "People need to know to be patient. It might take a little while for someone to work through an anxiety attack. And it might take awhile for someone to be able to have the control over their anxiety that they want to have. No matter what though, you gotta be patient with them, help them, and love them. They will get there." (Yeah. I married a good one.)
5. All We Need Is For You to Be There
Just knowing that you are there and that we can rely on you, makes a huge difference in our struggle. And when I say knowing "you are there and that we can rely on you," I mean that having the knowledge that you are a friend, that you will try to be patient, that you will sit with us while we work out our struggle, not judge us, but love us, and even help us focus our minds on something else; these things alone are HUGE. For me, knowing I have a hand I can hold while I count my breaths to help me calm down, or knowing I can call a few friends to sit and watch "Bob's Burgers" with me because John isn't home from work yet and I just had an anxiety attack, or knowing I can call someone who will simply talk to me till I'm OK and have worked things out; all these things help more than you know.
Don't be afraid to ask questions. The more you know, the more you can help. And if you don't want to be that help because you're unsure of what to do or you don't know if you can or even want to handle it, that's OK! We get it. Really. We understand that more than you think. There are many days where we don't even want to deal with it.
So, again. Don't be afraid to ask questions. The more you know is the more you know! :)
Saturday, March 7, 2015
Hey, guess what, World? I'm married. :)
So I always said that if I were ever to get married, the world would know (mainly because it would probably be in the Millennium, but we're glad that's not the case). So guess what, World? I'm married. :)
John and I met in our singles ward. He says it was at a combined ward activity, and I swear it was at an FHE where we were moving materials to our new meeting house. Either way, I'm pretty glad we met!
One night a friend and I decided to go see "Divergent" with some people from the ward. John was among them. After the movie we went to IHOP where I tried to sneakily fight hard to sit next to him. He was pretty quiet, but funny at the same time. Oh, and of course, cute.
Our next adventure was to go see "Captain America" and then attend the YSA dance with friends. I took the opportunity to teach him how to swing dance, and he took the opportunity to ask me to slow dance. And let me tell ya, I was impressed. The man can dance! After the dance a large group of us went out to Whataburger. As luck would have it, John and I got our food together, sat down together, and no one sat next to us even though there was plenty of room, and we had many friends there. John and I spent the next four hours talking, and I felt some comfortable and at home; a feeling I hadn't felt yet after having moved to San Antonio.
After a bonfire one night, lots of flirting at Institute, and an adorable phone call, John and I had our first date April 11th. I can honestly say that we have seen each other everyday since then. Seriously. Not kidding. Even when I left for two weeks to go to Nebraska and Georgia. Skype became our best friend. We got engaged in July when I came home from my trip (you'll have to ask me about that one), and we were married on November 22nd. It was such an incredible day! I am so thankful that I moved to San Antonio, and even more grateful God blessed me with John. I could not have asked for a better partner in love and in life.
So there you have it, World. I'm married! Be sure to check back to see our crazy shenanigans and fun times!
John and I met in our singles ward. He says it was at a combined ward activity, and I swear it was at an FHE where we were moving materials to our new meeting house. Either way, I'm pretty glad we met!
One night a friend and I decided to go see "Divergent" with some people from the ward. John was among them. After the movie we went to IHOP where I tried to sneakily fight hard to sit next to him. He was pretty quiet, but funny at the same time. Oh, and of course, cute.
Our next adventure was to go see "Captain America" and then attend the YSA dance with friends. I took the opportunity to teach him how to swing dance, and he took the opportunity to ask me to slow dance. And let me tell ya, I was impressed. The man can dance! After the dance a large group of us went out to Whataburger. As luck would have it, John and I got our food together, sat down together, and no one sat next to us even though there was plenty of room, and we had many friends there. John and I spent the next four hours talking, and I felt some comfortable and at home; a feeling I hadn't felt yet after having moved to San Antonio.
After a bonfire one night, lots of flirting at Institute, and an adorable phone call, John and I had our first date April 11th. I can honestly say that we have seen each other everyday since then. Seriously. Not kidding. Even when I left for two weeks to go to Nebraska and Georgia. Skype became our best friend. We got engaged in July when I came home from my trip (you'll have to ask me about that one), and we were married on November 22nd. It was such an incredible day! I am so thankful that I moved to San Antonio, and even more grateful God blessed me with John. I could not have asked for a better partner in love and in life.
So there you have it, World. I'm married! Be sure to check back to see our crazy shenanigans and fun times!
I love him.
Monday, March 17, 2014
Update, Gratitude, and A Hymn With a New Meaning (Be prepared. It sounds a lot like a mixture of a talk and an English paper... I apologize for not being sorry.)
Things have been getting better, clearer, and sometimes what feels to be worse, all at the same time. Haha. But mostly better and clearer. I thought I had made it completely through Hell (referring to my last post), but in retrospect I only made it through the hardest part of Hell. Now I'm slowly but surely finding my way out completely.
I got to go home from Spring Break and it was perfect. It was exactly what I needed, and I couldn't have asked for something better. Words cannot describe how much more complete and happy I felt last week. I haven't felt like that in a long time. Don't get me wrong, I'm a happy person! But I haven't been as happy, and I haven't felt as complete. But now, I feel much better. There are still nights that are a trial, and there are still moments where I'm having a hard time. But I can see the light at the edge of the darkness, and I am so close to being out.
Again, I haven't done this alone. And that is something that yes, in reference to my last post, I knew and realized, but now I am realizing it even more so in a heavenly sense. Again, my parents have been phenomenal. I don't think there are enough words in this world to describe my gratitude to Heavenly Father for my parents. They have been with me every step of the way, and without a doubt I can say I will never have as great of friends on this earth as my parents. And also again, there is my sister and her cute, little family that I love so much. In all the empty spaces, they have been there to make it significantly less empty. Through Skype and text messages and phone calls, they have sustained me and lifted me up with their personal faith and their faith in me. My entire family has supplied me with insurmountable strength that cannot be measured or seen.
And then there are friends; another huge rock of strength. From our group Skype date, to the text messages and emails, and the phone calls of love and support. Not all of you have known my struggles or trial, but you were divinely inspired, I have no doubt. Because each message of love and encouragement came at exactly the right time. So thank you for listening to the Holy Ghost and acting on promptings that you may have thought didn't mean a whole lot of anything; but they meant everything.
Tonight while Skyping with my sister, as she was putting Catherine to bed she started to sing some hymns and Primary songs to get Catherine to fall asleep. As she put the phone down and sang, I was folding my clothes singing in my head with her. The last hymn she sang was "How Firm a Foundation." Now, I've always loved that hymn, but at the same time I had never truly listened to the words. This hymn took on a whole new meaning for me tonight. There is no doubt that I was meant to hear this hymn, and I am so grateful for the opportunity I had to hear my sister sing it.
It is entirely, 100% about the Savior coming to our aid in times of trial. The first verse tells us that we have been given a solid, firm foundation: the Lord, Jesus Christ. He is our Savior and we can run to Him for refuge. We should run to Him for refuge! The second verse tells us that no matter what, in sickness, in health, whether we are rich or poor, no matter where we are in this world, "so thy succor shall be." I believe it was Neal A. Maxwell who said that the Savior suffered so that He would know how to succor us; how to help us. How to lift us in times of trial. How to comfort us in times of need. And no matter where we are in life and in this world, He will always be our Savior and come to our aid.
Verses three, four, and five are my personal favorites. In verse three it is the Lord speaking to us. He promises us that if we are righteous and look to Him, He will strengthen us, help us, lift us up. In verse four He promises that even though we will be asked to do hard and scary things, "the rivers of sorrow shall not thee o'erflow. For I will be with thee, thy troubles to bless, and sanctify to thee the deepest distress." We will be asked to do hard things. We will be asked to go "through the deep waters," but God will not abandon us. The Savior will not abandon us. They will bless us, sanctify us, and not allow our troubles and trials to drown us. And then five. Verse five is the best. "When through fiery trials thy pathway shall lie, / My grace, all sufficient, shall be thy supply. / The flame shall not hurt thee; I only design / Thy dross to consume and thy gold to refine." When we face those hard times, the Savior's grace is enough to conquer what is in front of us, and He will carry us through. We need to rely on His loving Atonement. He has designed these flames, and like the refiner's fire, He will consume and burn our impurities and our weaknesses, and He will refine us until we are gold. Paraphrasing, but "if the very jaws of Hell shall gape open wide the mouth after thee, all these things shall give thee experience and be for thy good."
Six talks about the Savior's love for us. That even until we're old and gray, we are His sheep and He is our Shepherd. And finally, verse seven is our dedication to Him. "I will not, I cannot, desert to his foes; / That soul, though all hell should endeavor to shake, / I'll never, no never, no never forsake." Satan is gonna try REAL hard to get us to shake and tremble with fear and doubt. The question is, "Will I allow it? Will I allow him to rob me of my faith and replace it with fear and doubt?" No, I will not.
So tonight was a very "faith opening" night for me tonight. I definitely feel strengthened and empowered to face a another night, and another dawn, and another day. I greatly needed the hymn and I think I really needed to blog. To get it all out there (OK, maybe not ALL. I haven't told you exactly what's been going on. But you get the point.). It has been very therapeutic, and I believe helpful. You will probably find it very boring, dull, possibly too religious, and completely ridiculous. But it helped me. And I feel good about that. :)
Saturday, March 1, 2014
If You're Going Through Hell, Keep On Going
My mantra for the past couple of weeks comes from a Rodney Atkins song. "If you're going through hell, keep on going." And let me tell ya, the past two weeks have felt like walking through Hell. I won't go into the details, but let's just say it's been rough. However, if there's several things I realized over the past two weeks, it's that family and faith can provide more strength than I give them credit for sometimes.
I have called to talk to my mom everyday for 14 days. Poor, woman. Poor, Dad! I would talk to her from anywhere between thirty minutes to two and half hours. I'm just thankful that my mom is able to fully understand and empathize what's been going on and knew exactly what would help me. Moms are amazing like that. And thank you to my Dad who let me steal her ear for so long. :)
And then there's my sister and brother-in-law. In all the empty spaces between school and talking with my parents, I would talk to them. Even if Catherine was getting into something she shouldn't, or Rachel was cooking dinner, or Bradley was driving somewhere, they would talk to me. For however long it took. They would just talk to me.
And last, but certainly not least, faith. Faith and the Gospel will take you very far. I learned to rely on prayer and faith when it was 2 am and I needed someone. Something. Anyone. I knew I could pray and rely on Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ. I knew I could rely on the scriptures and Conference talks. I knew I could turn to the Gospel, and just like my family, I would receive the help I need.
One night while trying to find the strength and help I needed at the time, I was reminded of Elder Holland's talk from this past General Conference. I am paraphrasing here, but he said something to the effect of, "If the miracle seems to not come fully or seemingly at all, drink the bitter cup and be strong; trusting in better days ahead." And so that night I drank the bitter cup, and held on. Trusting and having faith that there were better days ahead. I think that was Elder Holland's eloquent and more Gospel centered way of saying what Rodney Atkins was trying to say. And sometimes you'll get out "before the Devil even knows you're there."
In brighter news, I have decided to take an art class and yoga class. Hooray! I'm pretty excited about this. I think both will be good for me, and an opportunity to meet new people and experience new things. So here's to bettering myself and expanding myself past my comfort zone.
So here's to walking through Hell, making it to the other side with a smile and greater faith, and here's to self betterment; trusting in brighter, happier days ahead. :)
I have called to talk to my mom everyday for 14 days. Poor, woman. Poor, Dad! I would talk to her from anywhere between thirty minutes to two and half hours. I'm just thankful that my mom is able to fully understand and empathize what's been going on and knew exactly what would help me. Moms are amazing like that. And thank you to my Dad who let me steal her ear for so long. :)
And then there's my sister and brother-in-law. In all the empty spaces between school and talking with my parents, I would talk to them. Even if Catherine was getting into something she shouldn't, or Rachel was cooking dinner, or Bradley was driving somewhere, they would talk to me. For however long it took. They would just talk to me.
And last, but certainly not least, faith. Faith and the Gospel will take you very far. I learned to rely on prayer and faith when it was 2 am and I needed someone. Something. Anyone. I knew I could pray and rely on Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ. I knew I could rely on the scriptures and Conference talks. I knew I could turn to the Gospel, and just like my family, I would receive the help I need.
One night while trying to find the strength and help I needed at the time, I was reminded of Elder Holland's talk from this past General Conference. I am paraphrasing here, but he said something to the effect of, "If the miracle seems to not come fully or seemingly at all, drink the bitter cup and be strong; trusting in better days ahead." And so that night I drank the bitter cup, and held on. Trusting and having faith that there were better days ahead. I think that was Elder Holland's eloquent and more Gospel centered way of saying what Rodney Atkins was trying to say. And sometimes you'll get out "before the Devil even knows you're there."
In brighter news, I have decided to take an art class and yoga class. Hooray! I'm pretty excited about this. I think both will be good for me, and an opportunity to meet new people and experience new things. So here's to bettering myself and expanding myself past my comfort zone.
So here's to walking through Hell, making it to the other side with a smile and greater faith, and here's to self betterment; trusting in brighter, happier days ahead. :)
Thursday, January 30, 2014
Femininity: The Possible Key
Did anyone ever see this movie? I've been thinking about this a lot lately due to a specific FHE we had a few months ago, and I have come to this conclusion: the wicked taketh the truth to be hard.
Let me explain...
A dating coach came and spoke to our stake about techniques and tips and tricks for dating. Several of which I disagreed with completely. I became very defensive and worked up over a lot of her points and left the night completely frustrated.
I have asked myself over and over again why exactly I became so upset. And after much deliberation, soul searching, and extensive conversations with the roommate, it was determined that I was the wicked and I took the truth to be hard. :)
I didn't want to hear that I was the one doing anything wrong. I didn't want to hear that I wasn't being "feminine" enough. It's the guys! Not the girls. Not me! Am I right?!
No, Liz. You are most definitely not right.
I think too many times in dating and relationships we are so willing to point the finger and blame the other person. It's his fault. It's her fault. It's their fault. And I think the reason I had such a hard time with this FHE is because it hit me half way through that some of it is MY fault.
The biggest realization that hit me: I need to be more feminine. Don't ask me exactly what I mean by that. I'm not even sure I know. But I feel that it could be one of many keys that will open one awesome, eternal door. We shall see.
PS- Don't judge me on this post. It took 2 months and a lot of thinking to publish. :)
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